As an anger management expert and licensed psychotherapist, I have come to the realization that there are two simple truths about managing anger. The first is that personal responsibility is essential to making any progress in terms of evolving as a human being. Without owning your own behavior, feelings and thoughts your dead in the water. Blaming other people for your feelings, foolish behavior or crazy thoughts only puts the ownership of your existence in the hands of other people. In order to be the master of your own destiny, you must be able to take full ownership of everything you do, say, and feel. When you truly can take personal responsibility, the blame game ends and acceptance can begin.
What most people don't realize or think about is that their anger often causes problems because it derails us from addressing the issue at hand. When we behave badly, we shift the focus from what might be a completely legitimate complaint, to our unintended bad behavior. The focus of the recipient of the conversation now lasers in on the mean spirited comment you made or the fact that you raised your voice to an unreasonable level, or something worse. in your angry state, this shift or focus is so frustrating that you may have made it worse by escalating the issue even more.
Arguments will not get resolved unless you can own your own feeling, thoughts, and behavior and express it in a way that is emotionally intelligent and assertive. Before anyone teaches you a whole pile of techniques for staying cool or not getting angry, you must first recognize and embrace the first simple truth about anger management. You must take personal responsibility. It's that simple.
The second truth about managing anger is that you must accept that you have no control over other people feelings, thoughts or behaviors. One of the biggest mistakes made by most people is the belief that they can change or convince others to think or feel exactly how they do. The reality is that not everyone is going to see the world the way you do or even share the same reality that you have. You must accept this, and now. Life is much easier to live when we accept that others have a right to their view of the world and they may never see things the way you do. Does that mean there is a right and wrong? Not necessarily, it just means that other may not share a similar view, or feeling or even behave the way you would based on their own background, upbringing, and belief system.
Master the two simple truths about anger and you will put yourself on the path to becoming a much calming and understanding person. Once these truths are mastered, you can then embrace learning new skills to change your own thinking and behavior for the better.